Preserving The Marriage Bed

Wilson Lim
14 hours ago
10 min read

Have you ever heard these questions being asked? Why should sex be only between married couples? Why is fornication and adultery such a big issue with God? If two consenting adults love each other, why can’t they have sexual intimacy? Perhaps you have asked those questions yourself. The more important question should be what is God’s intention is for sex?

Have you ever heard questions like these? Why should sex be reserved for married couples? Why does God treat fornication and adultery as such serious matters? If two consenting adults love each other, why shouldn’t they enjoy sexual intimacy? Perhaps you’ve asked these questions yourself. But beneath all these questions lies a deeper one: What is God’s intention for sex?

To explore that, we will examine 1 Corinthians 7:1 - 6 (NIV) 1 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.

To understand the principles Paul teaches in this passage, we must first appreciate its cultural and historical context. The Corinthian believers came from a wide mix of cultural and philosophical backgrounds. One influential idea shaping their thinking was dualism—the belief that humans consist of body and spirit, with the spirit being superior and the body inferior. Some took this in one direction: the desires of the body were considered impure or even evil. Others went in the opposite direction: whatever they did with their bodies was irrelevant, because only the spirit mattered.

This distorted thinking likely led certain women in the church to write to Paul, saying, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” They were referring to sexual intimacy. They believed they had risen above the need for sexual relations with their husbands. To them, participating in sexual intercourse was beneath their new “spiritual” identity. They even attempted to use Paul’s singleness as justification: Paul is an apostle and does not engage in sexual intimacy—so we are being spiritual like him!

But this mindset created another serious problem. Husbands, deprived of sexual intimacy, began seeking it elsewhere—often with prostitutes, which was culturally acceptable in Corinth even for married men. These Christian husbands likely believed it was harmless because, in their dualistic thinking, what they did with their bodies had no impact on their spiritual lives. Same philosophy, different application.

Can you imagine Paul’s frustration with this tangled, contradictory reasoning? With that background in mind, we will now examine several key issues Paul addresses—and consider how they apply to us today.

SEXUAL INTIMACY WAS INTENDED FOR MARRIAGE ALONE

1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (NIV) “1 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.”

Paul makes an emphatic point: it is neither acceptable for married couples to withdraw from sexual intimacy nor to seek sexual fulfilment outside the marriage covenant. Husbands and wives are meant to enjoy healthy, regular sexual intimacy. Full stop.

Why does Scripture place such weight on sexual intimacy within marriage? Because it goes back to God’s original intent. Let’s explore three key purposes.

Sex was intended to facilitate the marriage union.

When Adam was alone in the Garden, what did God do? Did He give Adam an animal companion—a dog or cat—to keep him company? Did He create another man and declare that to be just as good? Did He form a crowd of people and tell Adam to live in a free-for-all commune? Did He invent the internet so Adam could bond with a smartphone? None of these.

Genesis 2:20 - 23 (NIV) 20 …But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”

God created a woman—similar to Adam in countless ways, yet gloriously different. Formed from Adam himself. Imagine Adam’s awe: “She is like me—yet wonderfully unlike any other creature!” This woman was designed to be Adam’s counterpart, his complement, his partner, his helpmate. And Scripture continues in Genesis 2:24 (NIV) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

The phrase “one flesh” is far more than a physical union. Leaving father and mother involves emotional, relational, and social separation from the family. To form a new family with his wife, to form a new intimacy. Becoming “one flesh” therefore means forming a holistic union—body, soul, and spirit.

Paul reinforces this in Ephesians 5:31–32 (NIV) 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. The union of Christ with His Church encompasses spirit and soul, more than physical. This Christ-Church union is the basis for the husband-wife union.

God intends marriage to be a threefold union of body, soul and spirit.

Thus God intends marriage to be a threefold union of body, soul and spirit. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV) says, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Sex is therefore not merely physical. It is part of a larger, deeper joining of two persons.

Sex is therefore not merely physical. It is part of a larger, deeper joining of two persons. C. S. Lewis captures this beautifully: "The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside of marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the sexual) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union."

Sex was always meant to be part of a larger package—a connection that strengthens the entire marriage bond. Think of an old set of RCA plugs: yellow, red, and white. The connection is complete only when all three are properly joined. In marriage, the emotional and spiritual connections are joined—and sex completes the physical connection.

In a healthy Christian marriage, their souls connect and unite. The husband and wife influence one another’s thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Their spirits interact through their shared life in Christ and their closeness to one another.

Sex deepens this connection. Though physical, it also touches the soul and spirit because of its intensity and vulnerability. This is why Christian counselling speaks of soul ties—connections formed through sexual intimacy, even in tragic situations like abuse. Something of one person becomes intertwined with the other.

Now imagine the impact of multiple sexual partners or casual sexual encounters. It is like repeatedly joining and tearing apart a limb. Damage accumulates. Their capacity for deeper wholesome intimacy is progressively damaged. What some call “sexual conquest” is actually self-inflicted harm.

Many people enter marriage emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even physically wounded by past sexual experiences. They need healing. But when sexual intimacy is practised within God’s design, it strengthens and enriches the marriage bond.

Sex was intended for procreation.

One of the outcomes of sexual intimacy is procreation—though it is not the only purpose. Genesis 1:28 (NIV) God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it...”

God designed sex to function within a beautiful context: the loving, committed covenant between a man and a woman. Through this most intimate act, God ordained the creation of new life. How fitting that the climax of marital love can result in a child—a love-child in the truest, godly sense. Within such a stable, complete family unit, children receive the best foundation to grow into whole, healthy adults. They, in turn, form their own families and continue the multiplication God intended.

Sex was intended to reflect the glory of God.

Ephesians 5:31 - 32 (NIV) 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

The love between husband and wife—including sexual love—is intended to reflect something of the holy, profound intimacy between Christ and His Church.

Our earthly marriages are meant to mirror the heavenly, glorious union between Christ and His Church. Marriage is a shadow, a signpost pointing toward a greater reality—the divine masterpiece of Christ’s covenant with His people. What we experience in marriage is not the ultimate; it is a foretaste of the union made in heaven. The love between husband and wife—including sexual love—is intended to reflect something of the holy, profound intimacy between Christ and His Church.

Proverbs 5:18 - 19 (NIV) 18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

This delight between lover and beloved is meant to echo the joy, devotion, and deep affection Christ has for His Church.

This delight between lover and beloved is meant to echo the joy, devotion, and deep affection Christ has for His Church. Scott Hahn captures this beautifully: We desire intimacy, sexual union. We find it in other persons. But that desire points to a deeper desire, which only union with God can meet; and union with God proves to be deep intimacy, unimaginable ecstasy, infinite fulfilment of the desire to love and be loved, to give and receive totally, to become one with the other.

Our vision of marital love—and of sexual intimacy—should therefore be shaped by this divine reality. Marriage is not merely a human arrangement; it is a living parable of God’s covenant love. Let this truth inspire every married couple, and every single person who hopes one day to enter marriage.

SEXUAL INTIMACY IS A MUTUAL RESPONSIBILITY

1 Corinthins 7:3-4 (NIV) “3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”

The emphasis is on willingness: each partner is called to give, not to demand; to offer themselves, not to wait for the other to initiate.

Paul teaches that every married couple must take personal responsibility to fulfil their marital duties—including offering their bodies to one another in sexual intimacy. The emphasis is on willingness: each partner is called to give, not to demand; to offer themselves, not to wait for the other to initiate.

Why is this so important?

First, because love in marriage is meant to be self-giving. Sexual intimacy is one of the ways husbands and wives express that selfless love. Second, because marriage creates a new reality: two individuals are now joined as one. In God’s eyes, a married couple is no longer “me” and “you,” but us. Everything is shared—life, resources, responsibilities, and yes, even their bodies.

Paul’s language reflects this profound truth. In marriage, our bodies are no longer solely our own; they belong to the union. Sexual intimacy is therefore not an act of personal ownership but of mutual giving, mutual honour, and mutual responsibility.

SEXUAL INTIMACY SHOULD NOT BE MISUSED

1 Corinthians 7:5-6 (NIV) “ 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.”

Paul addresses two distortions of sexual intimacy. First, withholding sex to deprive one’s spouse. Second, Sexual immorality arising from lack of self-control. In both cases, sexual intimacy is misused—either by avoiding it or by seeking it outside God’s design. Let’s consider several forms of misuse.

Sex is not a weapon.

Sex must never be used to assert power or control over another person. Acts such as rape, sexual abuse, or sexual threats are violations of God’s design—and tragically, they can occur even within marriage. Sex should also never become a bargaining chip or a tool for manipulation. To weaponize sex is to take something sacred and twist it for selfish ends. God intended sexual intimacy to be part of a loving, giving relationship—freely offered and freely enjoyed.

Sex is not a vehicle for pleasure.

Sex was not designed merely as a pleasure-delivery system. When pleasure becomes the goal, disappointment follows.

Sex was not designed merely as a pleasure-delivery system. When pleasure becomes the goal, disappointment follows. This is the hedonistic paradox: the more one chases pleasure for its own sake, the less pleasure one ultimately experiences. Those trapped in pornography addiction know this well.

When sex is reduced to pleasure, performance becomes the obsession. The other person becomes an object to extract pleasure from. Over time, pleasure diminishes—and marriages suffer when sexual intimacy no longer “feels good enough.”

But God designed pleasure to be a by-product, not the main pursuit. The more we embrace God’s intention for sex, the more genuine pleasure we discover. In a healthy marriage, sexual pleasure is richer because it is joined with the joy of giving, the joy of covenant love, and the joy of deep intimacy.

Sex should be honoured and kept pure.

Sexual purity matters deeply to God. Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Sex is meant to occur within an exclusive covenant—one man, one woman, joined in marriage. Just as Christ’s relationship with His Church is exclusive, so sexual intimacy must be exclusive. Outside marriage, chastity is God’s call.

Sexual immorality wounds the soul. It damages our capacity for intimacy. It leaves scars. It undermines faithfulness and integrity. It destroys marriages. It contradicts the very nature of God. It insults His beautiful design for marriage and His ultimate purpose—the union of Christ and the Church. Because we understand God’s intentions for sex, let us keep our marriage beds pure. Let singles keep themselves pure, saving sexual intimacy for marriage.

CONCLUSIONS

Because God designed sexual intimacy with profound purpose:

to unite husband and wife in a holistic, body‑soul‑spirit union
to nurture and strengthen the marriage covenant
to participate in God’s creative work through procreation
to reflect the glory of Christ’s union with His Church
to be mutually offered in love and responsibility,
and to be honoured and kept pure—

Our sex lives should honour God by reflecting God’s character. Self‑giving love, faithfulness, purity, and covenant commitment must shape how we understand and practice sexual intimacy.

Our sex lives should honour God’s design for marriage. Sex is a sacred gift meant to flourish within the exclusive, lifelong union of husband and wife, strengthening their bond and pointing to the greater heavenly reality.